True but thats because hes a fetus.
accomplished twins. life is a go
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
