He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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