i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
