Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
worst night to have a conscience
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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