She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
