When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh god it's open bar.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
