Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
