all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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