He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
