I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
