If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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