and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
