Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
