So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
