If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
