The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
