You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
