evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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