watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
