I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
