why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So squirting runs in the family.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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