So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
