I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
