george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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