you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
