If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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