his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
