omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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