He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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