that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
