Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
