Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
