i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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