Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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