I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
