Is it normal to miss your booty call?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
