This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
