Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
