If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Randomize
