Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
