Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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