Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
