so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
