and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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