As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
