I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
