Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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