dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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