I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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