My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
