oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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